214...

Okay, its been like over a month since I posted on here. What better time than now?! I have been mildly busy. I am finally taking Drivers Ed class, that means I will finally be able to drive myself out of here whenever I want to... I cannot wait until I graduate and get as far away as I possibly can!!! Im SO sick and tired and being 18 years old and treated like a flipping 5 year old!! Okay, for all of you out there that don't know... Alaskans get something that is called PFD, its basically an amount of money that is given to you for living in Alaska. When your 18 you legally get it, BUT since I live under my parents house and they pay for my food, roof over my head, etc. I don't get any part of my PFD. A couple of my friends say that I should sue my parents because its basically illegal to them keeping money that is legally supposed to be mine. I am COMPLETELY done arguing with my parents about it. They keep saying, We will give it to you but you need to start paying rent, for food, your medical bills, your EVERYTHING. So I finally was like Whatever, Im done with this argument... They can have the money, I guess I don't really need it, I only wanted it to start a college savings account... Its all good in the hood, I can take out loans... Im not angry about this at all anymore. Im disappointed because I really wanted to start saving up some money for college. I also sort of understand where my parents are coming from. I mean this year I have to have my wisdom teeth taken out and that alone will got 3 thousand dollars. If I took the PFD then it would be taken away if I had to pay for that real fast!! Also they do pay for my food, I don't eat that much, but everything does add up...
Okay, I guess that was my little venting paragraph. :)
Over this past month I carved my very 1st pumpkin and it was pretty impressive! Other than the pumpkin I cant think of anything else at the moment...
I will post again soon. To all my readers out there, I hope you are enjoying the "vents of an average alaskan"......

*Homecoming*

Last night was my LAST Homecoming. When you live in a small town in practically the middle of nowhere, almost everyone in the school shows up to the Powder-puff game, Bonfire, Football game, and the Dance. And everyone in school participates in all of the school activities. BUT this year our “Spirit Week” was the LAMEST I have ever seen!! There were dress up days like “Zoo-York Day”; where you were supposed to dress up like an animal. It was so dumb. The Senior class(my class) decided to change it to PJ day, so all of the Seniors wore PJs. ONLY the Seniors changed it though. We rebelled against our gay student council that picked out the days. I was pretty disappointed that my Senior year, LAST Homecoming had to be so retarded! The only dress up day that was fun was SCHOOL SPIRIT day. That day all we do is wear our school colors, paint our faces, make T-shirts, and go completely all out. Then at the end of the day there is a School Assembly(PEP RALLY)! That made the whole week not seem so retarded! Then later that night we had the Powder-puff game, pretty much all of our Seniors just left and went somewhere else so the other lowerclassmen won that one. Then after that was the bonfire. That was also lame!! I was at the bonfire for like 10 minutes and then decided to leave. The next day, Saturday was the Homecoming Football Game! We played Valdez, our JV team killed them. Then our Varsity came and played them and scored 41 points during the 1st quarter!!! It was insane! BUT since our football coach had integrity(ALOT of you people DONT know what that is), we let Valdez get one touchdown and then played our not so great Varsity players. The Football game was by far the best part!! My little brother, Sophomore, is a Varsity Starter. It is a LOT of fun to go and see him play!! :) After the Football game, I went to one of my friends house to get ready for the dance. Then later that night we went to the Dance. BY THE WAY, The dance was SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO LAME!!!!! The Music SUCKED! Most of the songs were undanceable! And on top of that it was insanely hot inside and PLUS there were a lot of people that were in a bad mood…A LOT of couples were arguing. Since we are a small school, when a couple is fighting, everyone knows!!! I finally left the dance at 11, even though it ended at 12. A lot of people left earlier than 10 too!! Needless to say, my last Homecoming was a pretty big disappointment!!!!! We also have a Homegoing, for basketball, IT BETTER BE BETTER THAN HOMECOMING!!!!!! Just another day in the life of an average Alaskan Senior!

Changed…

Friday Night, I went to the Covey’s house for a youth Group Activity. All the teens from church were there, we played games and just had fun together. The Covey’s live on a lake and we went canoeing and kayaking and swimming. It was a lot of fun! I got to know everyone there better. Ever since I have gotten back from California, I see everyone differently than I did before. It is really hard to explain but its like I am a completely different person and I am finally seeing everyone for who they really are. I don't like saying this but I used to judge and “preach” to people. I’m pretty sure that everyone used to hate me because I was always the “serious” one that got mad at people for doing the “unchristian” thing. WHO AM I TO JUDGE?!?! I’m no one. I have finally realized that I HATE it when people judge me and preach to me, so now I am a completely different person. I guess I just don’t care anymore. I have finally decided that I am a new person. COMPLETELY different!!! :D I like being who I am. And I also realized that before, that was never really me… I have never actually been able to be myself, I have always tried to be the “good kid, the perfect one”. I am now able to be myself!!! :) It feels GREAT to be able to be myself and not feel like I have to try anymore.

Can't Wait...

Okay, everyone that actually knows me and is reading this should probably stop reading this post NOW.......

Okay, if you didn't stop you cant come up to me complaining to me about me counting down the days. I cant wait till I graduate and leave Alaska!! I cant wait to be off and not have to call to check in with anyone and just leave and go where ever I want whenever I want. There are only 263 more days and I will be graduated and moving on with my life!!!! I cant wait until I don't have parents to keep asking me questions that are meaningless and don't do anything except for satisfy their own curiosity. 

A lot of people that are around me keep telling me to stop counting down and to just leave if I don't like it here so much! Well, to all the people who keep telling me to stop counting down... if you don't like it then don't listen!!! And to everyone who says just go back to California if I don't like it so much... Its not that I don't like Alaska, its just that I had a GREAT time in California and then coming back to Alaska where there is NOTHING to do... you would miss California too!! All of you people... Listen and Listen good to this next part.... I CAME BACK TO ALASKA FOR A REASON!!!!!! I WANTED TO GRADUATE IN ALASKA WHERE I HAVE BEEN GOING, I WANTED TO COME BACK TO GRADUATE WITH ALL OF MY FRIENDS.... If I didn't want to come back, TRUST me I wouldn't have. I came back to graduate and then I will leave, so just stop telling me to 'leave if I hate it here so much!' I wont go back to California UNTIL I graduate... SO FOR THE LOVE OF PETE......... STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Countdown.... 263 more days.....  

Help. . .

I have no idea what else to do… I have been acting like a complete jerk! I have been rude, upset, and ungrateful. I dont know what to do anymore… I cant stand hurting people that I love… BUT I guess I just dont care anymore about being nice… I just want to be me and to not worry about always trying to uphold the Pastor kids standards…

Living in Alaska is quite hard and its something that not every one likes. I am one of those people. I don't not like Alaska because of the people or my family. I want to leave Alaska because it is cold, small, and everyone knows everyone else. Since I am a Pastors Kid(Now Alaska Nazarene District Superintendent’s kid) EVERYONE feels like its their civil duty to spy on me and keep tabs on me and then report everything back to my parents. I am sick and tired of being “worried” about from people that aren't even my family!?! I wish that people would just mind their own business and stop trying to be in mine! Don’t get me wrong I love everyone in our church, I have grown up with them loving me and teaching me and guiding me… But now that I am almost 18 years old, its getting kind of old… I’m tired of being watched. AND IM NOT EVEN A BAD KID!!! I don’t go out there and do drugs or drink alcohol. The worst that I have ever done in my life is skip school!!! And I have only skipped school while my parents have known about it… THAT DOESNT mean that Im a bad kid… So why do I have to have people “watching” out for me all the time!?! THAT is the VERY main reason that I cant wait to get out of Alaska! In California, no one except my family knows me and some parents of kids that I taught to swim this last summer. I can have a fresh start! I am not know as the D.S.’s kid or the Pastors Kid anymore! I cant wait to be known as Elizabeth, not Stephen’s sister, or Becki’s sister, or Pastor Paul’s daughter!! I just cant wait to be ME!! And not have to worry about people keeping tabs on anymore! Im tired of trying to be the perfect kid!!! I cant do it anymore!!! I just want to be me! And not have to try and be the one that knows everything about the bible or has all the right answers or is the perfect kid… There isnt anyone perfect and I sure enough cant be the 1st! I have so many things that I am going through and no one even has the slightest clue because I put on my “happy face” and act like everything is okay and that nothings bothering me…

And just to let all you readers know…. I KNOW THAT EVERYTHINGS NOT ABOUT ME!!!!! You dont have to tell me that because I know.. I know that there are alot of people out there with a heck a lot more problems then me. I have had a good life. A roof over my head, food on the table for every meal, clean clothes, running water, a toilet, a loving family, and kind friends… I KNOW that I am not the center of attention.. Frankly I hate it when Its all about me. I would much rather be in the back of the crowd and not be noticed…

Help… I dont know what to do… I feel extremely bad about hurting my family with my words and actions… Im at the point where I dont know where to turn anymore…. Help. . .

HOW?

The thought of growing up and being 18 in 23 days is a very scary thought! Soon I will be off and on my own, Ill have to pay bills and everything. I also have to consider the thoughts about college. I am going to have to pay for it all of college by myself. I have no money saved up for it and it is quickly approaching!! How in the world am I going to be able to pay for college. I want to go to college EXTREMELY bad!!!!! I want to go to college and become an elementary teacher so that I can teach little ones to like school and how to read and how to travel around the world without even leaving their room(to travel around the world by reading books). I want to teach kids how to enjoy learning. Just like Miss. Williams did for me in 1st grade. She is the huge reason that I want to become an elementary teacher! She made it my dream ever since I was little!! I need to start saving the money for college, but even if I start saving the money now, there is no way that I will be able to have enough for even one year of college. Im really scared about this, What if I am unable to go to college?!? What will I do then!? Going to college has always been my plan and becoming a teacher has always been my dream! BUT how in the world am I going to make this dream of mine come true?!? I need help, I need ideas, I need more money to make my dreams come true. In the back of my mind I wish that my parents would have started a college fund for me while I was growing up, that could have helped out a lot. But I also understand that raising kids cost a lot, so we didn't have much money to just put aside for college. Something that I will definitely do for my kids is put at least a little bit of money away in an account for them for college. And if they choose to not go to college then the money goes to their kids who might want to go... Either way the money would only be used for someone's education! :)
Now that I am a Senior in High School, I have been secretly freaking out about all this money issue!! And freaking out about what I am going to do in 284 days when I am graduated and about to start my life and TRY to go to college. All I know is that I DONT want to be TOO much into debt! Plus, how in the world would I even get a student loan when I have like NO credit because I haven't had to pay for anything big... I REALLY REALLY want to get on with my life and jump out there and go to college and GROW up!!! But then all of this stuff pops into my head and I start FREAKING out!!!
HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? This is what keeps popping into my head... HOW?!?!

Graduate!

Today I found myself thinking about May... Its official! Im a senior and I graduate in MAY!!! THIS MAY!! This is incredibly shocking and strange to me, how could I already be this old?!?! Can it really be true? Is it a dream and I am really only that little 7 year old girl running around without a care in the world... I wish that I could go back to being that carefree little girl.
I am pretty nervous about taking my SAT's! I really need to do that. I have asked my friends if they studied for it or not and half or them have and the other half didn't. I am so lost. I don't know if I need to study or not. And if I need to study then what do I study... AGH! I hate growing up... It really sucks!!!!! :(
I need to start taking action and getting everything ready for my future. Im really scared and nervous about it! I need to start saving my money for college, that I am VERY worried about. How on earth am I going to pay for college?!?! I definitely don't want to take out a student loan!!! YIKES! :( I have been thinking about this for a while now and a lot!! Makes me nervous!
To all those kids out there, you all think that you want to hurry and grow up... Let me tell you a little secret... YOU DON'T! Don't tell the adults but they are right, when you grow up you will regret it and you will want to go back to the childhood years. ;) Just try and remember that. Trust me, I wish that I could be that little girl in the photo above again!!!